ha

i need to have a bit of a ramble

HAHA, man i have never lol'd so hard in my life:
"pushed his sex into her slick channel"

OHHH, lordddd in heaven. I don't understand why people say 'sex' instead of like... "john thomas" or "vah-jj". It is so not 'romantic'. AND SLICK CHANNEL?! I'm sorry but it sounds like theres been an oil spill somewhere... *wipes tear*
Not that i could write a dirty scene any better (i'm more like "and then they totally BONED"), but MAN. Once i bought a couple Mills & Boons books for like $1, before i went up north with my cousins... anyways reading those...is there any hope for females? So much dreaming, not enough reality. To be fair in one or two of the books I skimmed it until i got to the dirty bits and read em out loud, but i did read one all the way through. It was probably the most RIDICULOUS, implausible drivel i have ever read. I'm just gonna give a run down of the events of the book alright, nobody reads this anyway so whatever

• lady is put on a jury, for a murderer on trial (already ridiculous)
• lady meets some saucy man and they hit it off and get all sexed up (no.)
• lady is preggo-her-eggo, and the murderer is found guilty and sent to prison (and he is, understandably, upset)
• lady has MISCARRIAGE, after telling man friend shes preggo (and he's happy? when does that ever happen?), anyways she doesn't tell him that the baby was all "FUCK THIS" and died, so hes all "why aren't you fat yet? where are the cankles?" and then accuses her of having an abortion without telling him and she, for some reason, doesn't correct him.
  
• Man leaves lady cos of above fiasco and her apparent INABILITY to CORRECT PEOPLE, goodgodwhywouldn'tyoutellthefatherofyourdeadbabythatyouhadamiscarriage
• so lady is all depressed cos shes an idiot, and shes all "i'm alone and waah waah" and then...i'm not making this up, the murderer from the beginning escapes from prison, swearing his revenge on all the jurors who put him in there (i don't know when this would ever happen, wouldn't you just hang low? seriously if i escaped prison i'd be pretty chuffed to be seeing the light of day...wouldn't really go looking for more trouble)
• SO the cops or someone see fit to SHIP ALL OF THE JURORS - YES TOGETHER - OFF TO SOME HOTEL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SCOTTISH COUNTRYSIDE, pretty sure they're from the states or something...or england, anyway whats also hilarious is that in a previous book the love interest was some huge, manly american indian who was also scottish and refused to wear pants, only kilts... theres some weird fetish going on there, i dunno whats up with romance writers but they must like haggis (which, to be fair, isn't that bad)
• so anyway, despite the completely illogical move of keeping all of the people together so the murderer can kill them in one go (retarded, what the hell), the only thing the lady is worrying about is having to see the guy whos baby she totally killed via coathanger (well, no, but thats how i imagine it going down, cos im awesome)
• so the guy brought his lover for some reason. And the lady is all suspicious of her, probably cos shes some trollopy skank with stringy hair...i don't know what sparked her suspicion... anyways she follows her around and all this silliness...this part of the story is a bit of a muddle
• anyway turns out the stringy haired chav is working with the murderer so they lock her up and decide to pretend our ex-pregnant IDIOT can pretend to be the slut and let the murderer into the hotel so he can totes m'goats murder everyone... so she does that and he almost kills her
• IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY it is here that the old flame saves her? Why hes even in the vicinity of the police operation is beyond me, and why the cops let him go in after her...well it bewilders me.
• so the guy gets caught and then theres some soft core porn, all like "his masculine form" and then some "his throbbing member" and a little more "her luscious lips" and various other BULLCRAP

i'm done.